Glass Half Full – a new perspective

The well-known adage of the glass being “half full or half empty” perfectly encapsulates the differing perspectives of an optimist and a pessimist. Lately, I’ve been pondering more about this very phrase.

What determines how full or empty the Glass of our Life is
Scientifically, there are two parameters which determines how full the glass is:

– The volume of liquid in the Glass.

– The volume of the Glass itself.

In life, the volume of liquid can be seen as equivalent to what we perceive life has granted us. Simultaneously, the volume of the glass is shaped by our expectations from life. These quantities are highly subjective and vary greatly among individuals. However, we can attempt to establish some broad parameters that define these two variables.

The Volume of Liquid.
When we consider what life has provided us, from a global statistical perspective, many of us would rank quite high. We enjoy a reasonable standard of living, shelter, a life in a civilized and safe society, financial security, sustenance, and a network of friends and family. This places us in the top 1 percent of the global population. Logically, our glass should be 99% full.

Yet, most of us exhibit a peculiar behavioral pattern where our minds tend to exaggerate and fixate on what we lack. In doing so, we often disregard and undervalue what we possess, leading to the ‘Empty Glass Syndrome’.

Here is a small story highlighting this behaviour.
A wealthy man constructed a grand and opulent mansion. The architecture and construction were outstanding, with top-of-the-line fittings and luxurious furnishings. However, at the last minute, the contractor fell short of four custom-made, exquisite tiles for the swimming pool. With the housewarming ceremony date set and invitations sent, it was impossible to obtain these custom tiles in time. Consequently, it was decided to temporarily leave a space for the four tiles. The homeowner believed the missing tiles would go unnoticed amidst the nearly complete and lavishly appointed house.

On the day of the housewarming, the party was indeed memorable. Yet, to the homeowner’s astonishment, the absent tiles became a focal point of conversation among the guests. Without exception, each guest observed and inquired about the missing tiles.

This is something we all have experienced/exhibited at some time. The first things we
notice are the “missing things” (negatives, weaknesses, adversities). Have you not had your tongue keep exploring the ‘gap’ after a tooth extraction, neglecting all the other teeth which are intact?

Hence, we need to train our mind and make extra effort to be able to notice “what we
have” (positives, strengths, favorable circumstances, available things, helpful behaviour)

How to train mind to focus on “What we have” – Plus and Minus
An effective method I use is to assess situations more objectively to escape the ‘negative focus’ trap. I refer to it as the “Plus Minus technique.”

Take a sheet of paper, draw a vertical line to create two columns, and label them PLUS and MINUS.

If you’re not inherently optimistic, you might find the MINUS column fills up effortlessly. However, challenge yourself to fill the PLUS column with every positive aspect of the current situation, no matter how trivial or inconsequential it may seem.

This small balance sheet tells us “how much liquid is in my Glass”

A Personal Example
Over the past few years, my wife and I have begun to spend more time in the USA with our daughters. A frequent question posed by our friends and relatives in India is, “Are you happy in the USA? Don’t you feel lonely?” To address this, I attempted a Plus Minus analysis to formulate an appropriate response.

The Minus column quickly filled with common concerns such as the absence of a social network, limited mobility due to insufficient public transportation, reliance on our children, a complex and unfamiliar medical system, and the lengthy travel involved.

For Plus column, one had to think consciously. I realised the following Plus points:

• We are in reasonable good health to withstand the long journey
• We get the joyful company of our children and grandchildren
• The place is very clean, no pollution, no dust, superb air quality
• Roads are well maintained with proper footpaths, traffic discipline and respect for
  pedestrians
• Both of us are able to go for enjoyable long walks with visible improvement is our
  health.
• With a little effort we were able to access a good bus service giving us mobility
• We noticed few other visiting parents walking on the road. Reaching out to them, we could broaden our social circle and make new friends at this stage of life.

Acknowledging these positives, we unequivocally say YES, we are comfortable here.

After this reflection, I realized my glass held more liquid than I had assumed. I hope, with similar exercise many readers will also be able to discover numerous subtle positives in their circumstances.
It’s all about having and showing gratitude for what we have.

Volume of the Glass
This is the second variable which determines how full or empty our glass is.

Broadly stated, our expectations determine the volume of our glass.

Expectations are often seen as a more tangible form of “Desires,” though the line between them is subtle and frequently blurred. Some desires are universal, such as the wish to be healthy or to stay safe. However, many desires stem from comparing ourselves to others. It’s a peculiar human characteristic to compare only with those who appear to have more advantages in life—focusing solely on the visible positives while often overlooking or being unaware of their struggles. Such comparisons can lead to unrealistic expectations, inflating the volume of our ‘Glass’ and diminishing the perceived ‘fullness’ of it. Consequently, if we aspire for our glass to be full, we must actively reduce such comparisons. Striving to outdo those we perceive as more fortunate does not serve as a constructive motivator; it only fosters a perpetual feeling of dissatisfaction.

Conclusion

All of us want to be happy in life. For happiness, we need a Glass full of liquid. For
this:

• We have to consciously look for positives of the situation. Let us not
  underestimate the amount of liquid in our Glass
• We have to reduce the volume of our Glass by avoiding unnecessary and
  unilaterally unrealistic comparisons (always with those who are better off)
  
  Hope and wish everyone to be happy and peaceful.